Libby
I have avoided the mirror from the neck down for at least two weeks as well as the scale. It is part of the lies that I am telling myself since I began this journey almost a month ago. Every Sunday I decide that Monday is a fresh start, this is the week I am going to change my life forever. Monday hits and I eat very well, but I am so exhausted from the weekend, I usually decide I have all week to exercise so I skip my well meaning Monday workout sesh. That first missed workout is the start of a slippery slope one that turns into heavy hitting avalanche by Saturday around mid-afternoon. I feel food hangovers, serious muffin top, and completely irritable. I am mad, mad at myself for falling for the lies that I tell myself, tomorrow, I'll workout tomorrow. Ill eat better tomorrow. Ill take my kids to the park tomorrow. Ill clean the house tomorrow. Ill start that bible study tomorrow. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. Frustration. frustration. frustration. Lies. Lies. Lies. I deserve a break, I am so tired. Ill just have one or two pieces of candy. Eating this piece of cake will not send me into a sugar spin. And on and on and on. Are any of these sounding familiar to you?
I have tried to determine my issue with establishing a workout routine or any routines. I know that my brain does not process consistency very well or at all really. I am very motivated to lose weight but here are my mental blocks. I am an impulsive, instant gratification, deal with it later type. Meaning eat ice cream and pie now....feel physically and emotionally crappy later. My motivation is there in full force, its like oooooooooh I can almost reach it, like that cup on the top shelf of the cabinet, you are on your tippy toes, stretching but it just brushes your fingers. It wasn't that you did not reach for it, it was just out of reach, either mentally or physically. Here's a kicker, I KNOW how great I feel after I exercise there is no other rush in the world. I want to experience it, but soImething holds me back. I really want to understand this so I can finally kick this yo-yoing, back and forth fat/skinny weight thing.
It has been an emotionally and physically draining weekend, one that makes you want to eat comfort foods all day on Sunday. I did, I did, I did. I felt like a failure, right here epic fail. I started this blog hoping to motivate others and I am the one complaining of the lack of focus and priority. I need the shoulder to cry on, the hand holding. As trite as this sounds, tomorrow is in fact another day, a day that I am able to start committing to change instead of running from it. Why am I so reluctant to commit to this change? I think it is a combination of priority, routine issues, and quite honestly drive. Am I driven?
My goal for next week:
I want to work out 3 days next week
I want to stick to a healthy eating plan.
Keep it simple this week. That is all this girl can handle.
XOXO
Libby
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