Changing your mindset!

Amy

Changing your mindset to me is the hardest thing to do. I have heard over and over again from people that used to be over weight that even though they are "skinny" now when they look in the mirror and think about themselves they are still that overweight person. Well obviously I haven't lost that much weight yet but I was at one of my best friends weddings this weekend and she told me that even though she knew I had only lost 11 pounds that it looked more like I had lost 20. Now this is a friend that wouldn't bs me and I know that but my immediate thought was "yeah right, she is just saying that to be nice". I don't know why but I have such a hard time taking a compliment. I always just assume people are trying to be polite rather then telling me their true feelings. I find that not just overweight people feel this way but also women in general.  How often to we get complimented by our husbands or friends and say yeah right your just saying that. I know I do it all the time. When what I really should be doing is just saying thank you. I still struggle so much with this.

Also being at that wedding made me realize a few things about myself. Now I want to preface what I am about to say with my friends have never said or done anything to make me feel this way. It's just me. But being there standing in a picture with my two not only beautiful but skinny friends took me right back to how I felt in highschool. Like I was never going to be as pretty or skinny as they were ever. All those insecurities I had back then came flooding back. Truthfully it took me off guard. I thought I was past that and happy with who I am but clearly that is not the case and I have work to do. I want to lose weight but truly for me this journey has been more about being honest with myself and my feelings. I didn't even dance at the wedoing because I didn't want people looking at me. I am always so worried about what people think of me and how fat I am. Even going up for appetizers made me uncomfortable.  I didn't want to look like I was taking too much because I am fat and I didn't want people to look at that and think well that's why she is fat. The truth of the matter is that no one was watching what I was eating. They could have cared less what I was doing but that's just how I think. I know it's stupid but I also haven't figured out how to stop it.

For me this week was more about the mental aspect of things.  I want so badly to start believing people when they say I look good. I want to believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful but right now I'm just not there. Hopefully as the weight comes off some of my insecurities will leave with the pounds. One of my ultimate goals needs to be to get rid of that fat girl mentality. Right now I am just taking things as they come. They always say you have to love yourself before anyone can love you so that is what I am going to work on along with my weight-loss because to me they go hand in hand.