Fear.

Libby

Girls trip to the Beach!

I have not written in quite some time, things at the Crespo house are crazy!  Summer is winding down. Back to school night is this Thursday, how insane is that.  Back to school is always a bittersweet time for me.  Even though the kids drive me crazy with their bickering, the screaming mommy, mommy, mommys, and can I have a sleepover?  I still miss them like crazy when they go back to school.  The house falls back to silent, no more excuses for a messy house, and the end of our summer adventures.  Eventually I fall into my own routine again and things get flowing.  My kids are nervous for their first day, new teachers, new classmates, I don't really think much about it at the time.  As I am writing this, I realize that must carry a host of anxieties for them, similar to the first day at a new job.  Sometimes I am oblivious to these things because I forget to get down on their level to experience their emotions, but it is important to do this.  I will make it a point to try to ease all of their first day jitters the best that I can before that big day.  

Speaking of jitters and fears, I have one I want to talk about. Have you ever reached a point in a transformation where you have a choice to make?  I am sure you have because choices are a part of who we are.  I have reached a part of my journey where I am weak in resolve, therefore I could take the "temporary fix" path or forge ahead, crush this barrier and move on.  What keeps me standing at this decision in the road, fear.  I am fearful to go down that road and I have no idea why.  Fear is debilitating even on a subconscious level that is why we run away from it instead of face it. It is an absolute mental block and I need to own it, understand it, and crush it.  I think this is the stop on my path in the last few years that has kept me from achieving my goals.  I am here right now, I am telling you about it in the hopes that if I say it out loud, I can deal with it and move forward.  

I have a half marathon in 5 weeks and I am not ready for it.  My husband and I have stopped training.  I do consider this a failure.  We can do five miles but we did not put in the time for this half.  I am not sure what to do at this point.  If we work super hard we can get to 10, barely.  That would work for me.  Regardless we are running the race, it is just how prepared we are.  It is probably going to be super painful.  We will be in pain together.  I am wearing some silly wonder woman socks and t-shirt, that's my girl. My husband picked out some underroos...men!  LOL  I figured why not get all crazy with it.  

Update on my girl, Bella is doing well.  You may not agree with my parenting style, however I educated my daughter on the risks of high blood pressure.  I also told her daddy is on high blood pressure medication and that our whole family needs to get healthy.  We are all in the same boat.  There are still some treats, very rarely, but other than that we try to keep it no or low sugar in this house.  Last night I was craving nachos from this local restaurant Mexitaly and I thought of my daughter in the back seat and said "no way".  Before, giving into my craving and settling my family down to a fatty, salty, calorie laden meal was no big deal.  Forget that!

I am down to 141 lbs so I am 11 lbs from goal weight.  My new goal is to TRAIN for this half marathon and drop to 136 when the gun goes off at the philly rock and roll half.  

Till next time...